I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
