Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
