Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize