Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
