marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
