Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
