I hate all girls vehemently.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
