i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
