we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
