you turned your livingroom into a bong?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
