I wannas sexs uuuuu
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
