no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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