At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
