also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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