it was like eating out sand paper
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
