Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
