Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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