We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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