when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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