anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
