So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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