Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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