somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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