I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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