Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
