I can tuck mytits in my pants
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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