Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
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i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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