12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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