so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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