I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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