Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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