Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
