Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
