So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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