I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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