Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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