I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
