4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
