People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
