oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
