Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
