Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just had sex bonerless
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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