I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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