Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
