And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
