i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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