Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
