i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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