I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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