I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
