wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
