im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
