there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
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Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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