you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
