Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
