i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
