toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
