u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize