Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
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dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
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Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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